Combat Test: Official Log
Hideki is walking down the streets of downtown Hong Kong. Suddenly 10 grim-faced men jump out and assault him! Hideki gets into his Mighty Horse stance and prepares for the attack
One of the men snarls, "Prepared to get seriously whonked, non-round-eyes!" and leaps to the attack!
Hideki shouts "Fox's Retreat!" then put his walking staff on the ground and polevaults into the guy who spoke. The mook is completely unprepared, and takes Hideki's kick right in the chest! He falls, wheezing and unconscious. Hideki stands resolutely over the fallen mook and gets into his Fox's Retreat stance again, waiting for the inevitable attack.
The remaining goons look outraged, and charge to the attack with a blistering mix of kicks, chops, and shouts! Hideki sneers. Passers-by flee the area precipitously at the amount of sound and fury in this area! When the dust clears, however, Hideki stands there still, untouched and unruffled!
Hideki sneers again, then swings his staff low to knock 3 of them off their feet. His staff is a blur of motion, so fast that the first two goons don't even see it coming! They both flip and tumble wildly, finally coming to a stop in that sprawl-limbed pose that shows they're out for the count. The third mook tries his best to dodge, but even he gets knocked for a loop. He's staggering, trying to regain his balance. Hideki stands and mocks the fallen as he resumes his stance.
The mooks look a bit taken aback -- but then, at a shout from one of them, they leap to the attack once again! Snarls, whirls of motion, speeding fists and feet blur past... astonishingly, once again the goons are utterly ineffective! Hideki's staff weaves a shield of wood as he defends himself. The goons look rather shocked as they draw back.
Hideki entangles the last attacker with his staff and levers him into 2 others. He watches as the flying mook pinwheels into 2 of his fellows, knocking them down in a tangle of flailing limbs. All three lie stunned and groaning on the ground. Hideki sneers menacing at the remaining mooks and resumes his stance.
The score currently is: Hideki 6, goons 0! The remaining four goons get a rather grim look, then shout loudly together. As they do so -- they all four whip out nasty-looking HK MP5s! There's a deafening rattle of small machinegun fire, accompanied by the whine and whistle of flying bullets off metal. Several nearby trashcans shred entirely, and one of the machineguns literally explodes in the hands of the attacker! Miraculously, yet again Hideki is utterly untouched and unscathed.
Hideki rolls under the swarm of bullets and sweeps the legs out from under the remaining 3 mooks. Then he rolls to his feet and looks disdainfully at the 2 fallen mooks. He kicks their guns into a storm drain, looks at the remaining gunman and points back down the alley with his staff. The goon is no fool -- he takes to his heels and is soon gone! The sound of running feet echo for a few moments... then silence falls.
It's some time later, and Hideki is walking along the street wondering what caused those strangers to attack him. Until he runs out of street. There's a roadblock up ahead. A six-and-a-half-foot-tall, green roadblock. With teeth. Very large teeth. "Nihao," says the obstruction. "Sorry about mooks. Skilled amateur hard to find. No problem. Deliver vicious beatings in person. Don't worry. Kuei is professional."
Hideki shouts "You will pay for your insolence!" and assumes his fox's retreat stance. Then he leaps into the air, shouts, "Angry Hawk Takes Flight!" and slams his staff into the large green obstacle in his path. There is no apparent reaction!
Hideki lands low and whirls his staff so to sweep speed bump's (er, Kuei's) legs out from under him. Kuei hops up, surprisingly lightly for someone that probably weighs a hundred kilos or more, letting the staff slide under him. He lands with a *thud* of bootheels on concrete. "Now Kuei's turn! Time to make big rock noise!"
The greenskin lunges with a Shaolin longpunch. Hideki takes the force of the light blow and uses it to spin around and smashes the ogre under the extended arm, shouting, "Snake strikes back at Attacker!
Kuei grunts, struck on the ribs, and snaps his elbow down on the attacker's head, replying, "Ogre confused by talkative snake."
Hideki shakes off the tap of the ogre's elbow and says, "You must do better than that."
Kuei hmmms as the first attack has little to no effect. "Hard-shelled snack." He leaps backward a few feet before producing a very large handgun. "Need better nutcracker. Better living through technology, ja?" BLAM!
Hideki staggers back with the gun shot, shakes his head, and takes his Mighty Horse stance with a resolute look on his face. Then he dances forward with a high pitched laugh, and tries to grab the gun from the ogre's hand. He sneers and says, "So you think to use these childish toys. See what it is like to have it used against you!!"
Kuei takes cover behind a large dumpster. He grumbles, "By the hounds of Zeus, what treachery is this?! Er... I mean, whaa?"
Hideki shouts "Coward!!! Face your own toy!!!" and takes another shot, but it flies wildly as he deals with the unfamiliar recoil. Stupid toy.
Kuei pokes his head up a moment. "Uh, you got point little hollow end at Kuei first." He pats his pockets a few times and comes up with a smaller Beretta Jet Fire. He pops up again; "Here, I give you free demonstration!" A moment later he hmms. "Kuei need adjust for windage."
Hideki says, "Maybe you should practice more. You weren't pointing hollow end at Kuei."
Kuei bellows, "Of COURSE not! If pointing hollow end at Kuei, Kuei blow his own head off! What they teaching in schools nowadays?!"
Hideki leaps onto the closed dumpster lid and takes a mighty swing at Kuei's head, as he crouches behind the dumpster. "I will show you what they taught me! Gorilla Beats Log with Stick!"
The big troll deflects the blow off his forearm, and points the Jet Fire back up at Hideki. "Troll grows confused by zoological references." Bang!
Hideki doesn't even notice the bullet flies off. "What are they teaching you in school?"
Kuei rolls his eyes, "Better repartee than 'know you are but what am I,' that for sure."
Hideki says, "Oh, they made it all the way to Rubber and Glue, eh?"
Kuei says, "Kuei not lowering himself to sophomorics."
Hideki leaps off the dumpster, laughs manically, and grabs for the small gun. Then he sneers at the ogre. "Where are your toys now?" as he tossed the gun into the storm drain.
Kuei tilts his head, "That second time you start laughing for no reason. You got emotional problems? Kuei not like to pummel the handicapped. You should show him AMA papers before fight starts!"
Hideki swings his staff to entangle and immobilize the ogre, to heave him into the open dumpster. Kuei deflects the staff on the side of his boot, kicks upward, wrapping his leg around and catching the staff in the crook of his knee, then pushes the smaller human away, releasing the staff. "Hey, watch it. Kuei's boots cost arm and a leg."
Hideki grabs the staff and spins it to rain a flurry of blows on the ogre, shouting, "Tornado wrecks Trailer Park."
Kuei blocks adroitly, mostly just weathering the hits on his forearms. He is a resilient troll, as well as a cosmopolitan one. He ducks down under the final blow, stating, "Kuei is having a very hard time following your metaphor." While he does so he gets a solid grip on the bottom of the dumpster...
...and then falls on his ass. "Kuei is also having a very difficult afternoon."
Hideki stands back contemptuously while the ogre regains its feet. "I refuse to hit a downed opponent, even one as clumsy as you. There is no challenge in it."
Kuei arches one enormously pointed eyebrow, "Hey, you the one with bullet hole in ass."
Hideki says, "Only because you missed what you were aiming at."
Kuei says, "Kuei not so sure. You very big ass."
Hideki waits till the ogre regains his feet and, using the rounded end of the staff, lunges at its abdomen. "Ram Stuns Tiger!"
Kuei gnrks, doubling over a bit as he's poked in the stomach, and takes a wide hammer-fisted swipe at the human's legs. "Troll Gets Pissed Off."
Hideki braces himself to absorb the retaliatory blow and says, "Troll should keep composure."
Kuei hmphs. "Kuei is troll, not anger management counselor!" He kicks the bottom of the dumpster with sufficient force to carry his foot all the way over his head. "GOT POOR IMPULSE CONTROL!!" He kicks the dumpster at least a block and a half down the street. Unfortunately, it has little to no bearing on the more agile human. That kosher deli, on the other hand, is never going to be the same.
Hideki looks bewildered at the flying dumpster. Then, noticing his favorite deli has gained a dumpster in its front window, he bellows in rage, "You just destroyed the best kishka in town!!!" and swings at the troll's head with the staff.
Kuei grins, "Hey! Keeshka! Good idea! Kuei make bratwurst run! Pummel later; go pick up knishes!" His retaliatory strike comes in the form of one enormous boot swinging around to clang against the other dumpster in the alley. With a tremendous leap (and equally tremendous bang) he mounts the rolling dumpster and takes off into the sunset astride it. "Havah nagilah, squishy!"
At that point the director steps forward, shouting into his bullhorn, "All right, boys, that's a wrap! Hideki, good job on your first time before the cameras; don't forget to work some on your poses! Kuei, delightful as always -- now get out of that suit, man, you're sweating up a storm in there!"
People swarm across the set, chatting cheerfully to each other as they surround the two actors. There are many pats on the back to both as they're herded off to their respective trailers. The director and the producer wander off together, arguing animatedly over which script pages are most recent. Lights click out as the technicians rearrange their equipment... and finally, silence falls on the set.
Last modified: 2003-Oct-06 00:33:03
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